I had my ten year high school reunion last year. Ahead of time, I was excited to hang out with the friends I see all the time, catch up with the ones I don’t, and talk to all kinds of people I don’t see much any more. I also wanted the husband to meet the characters from the stories I tell him. The night was a blast, and I hope to see most people again before we hit 15 years, especially now that I live nearby.
But anyway, ten years. I read an article recently about how people of my generation, the millennials, are often nostalgic about things that happened just a few years ago, probably because the rate of change in technology is so high (I’d link the article but it’s lost on my Twitter feed). I think I’ve been thinking about high school more than usual lately not only because of the reunion but also because I live nearby for the first time since I graduated. That’s my frame of reference for here, and for the past year,it’s like I’ve been relearning how to live here as an adult, which sounds silly but is true. At some point, I started thinking about my old classes and the books I read in them, and I’ve decided to go back through them, to see whether they are as I remember them and whether I think anything different about them now.
For now, I’ve reread three of them that I haven’t read since high school. I skipped over the ones I’ve read multiple times since then – The Great Gatsby, Hamlet, The Catcher in the Rye – because I can’t remember what I thought about them the first time through, and I also focused on books I read in class instead of those I read on my own (no one wants to hear about my first slog through Walden or the winter of Ayn Rand. Not yet, anyway.) So here we go:
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
I first read To Kill a Mockingbird half my lifetime ago, as required reading the summer before I started high school. My copy has all my vocabulary test words underlined in green; I was so new to being allowed to write in books that I used a pencil and didn’t dare mark up the book any more than that. I think we spent the full first quarter of ninth grade analyzing the book chapter by chapter, but to tell the truth, I didn’t remember much about it except that it was about early civil rights in the South and included a misunderstood recluse as a next door neighbor.
But really so much of the book is about Scout and her coping with growing up, and I’d overlooked or forgotten that. In the summers, she romps with her brother Jem and the neighborhood kids, playing tricks on one another and wondering about Boo Radley, the aforementioned recluse. All the while, she notices that Jem is growing aloof and that being ladylike is just no fun at all.
Underneath Scout’s adventures of fun and self, she struggles to find out where she belongs. Jem becomes more aloof and stops playing with her all the time. He family’s place in the town’s social structure crumbles when her father, Atticus, defends the rape case in court. At tea, the ceremony and habits of the ladies in front of her become more appealing to Scout, if only for their black-and-white rules and niceties.
Upon rereading, Scout’s transition into growing up was the most compelling to me and, in a way, her perspective on the trial and her father’s actions made Atticus appear all the greater.
A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
Of all three books, A Tale of Two Cities was the most disappointing upon the reread. In my mind, it was a romantic story of love and redemption in the middle of a revolution run by a crazed mob. Reading it again, while it was still an enjoyable story, the love and redemption seem unnecessary, and the mob was so oppressed for so long that they had to grab what freedom they could when they had the chance.
There’s a fundamental unbalance between how good the “good characters” are and how bad the “bad characters” are. Throughout the book, Sidney Carton and the other characters repeatedly mention what a bad man Sidney is, and I really don’t understand why. Sure, he drinks, likes to party and occasionally insults the ladies, but I don’t understand how these propensities make him so unforgivable and hateful to the other characters and to himself. Do the characters overly equate morality and etiquette? I don’t think they do, and from what else I’ve read from Charles Dickens, that doesn’t seem like him, either to make etiquette so important or to mock characters who think it is. Maybe I missed something, but Carton doesn’t seem bad enough to justify the choices Dickens makes for him.
Also, in the past, I remember thinking that Madam and Monsieur Defarge were the antagonists, evil entities to root against. Now, I couldn’t help but think about what terrible lives they’d had until the revolution. Their money and property were stolen, their family members raped, their children starved – how could these people do anything else but seek revenge? Even if Charles Darnay was innocent, his ancestors were guilty and those people certainly wouldn’t have spared anyone associated with their enemies. And how could the Defarges and their fellow poor even understand the concept of mercy or fairness, when even their Church was crooked too? I know Dickens is trying to point out the irony in the destruction and oppression wrought by a group claiming to espouse fraternity and liberty, but there’s so little sense of why the revolution occurred that it’s almost like Dickens is hiding it.
Finally, I’m not really sure what Darnay, the good guy, is trying to do. He has some sort of nebulous “duty” to France, but it’s not entirely clear what that means. Why does he want to go back there in the first place? Is he supposed to be some sort of spy? If so, why this come up at the beginning of the book and then disappear for the the rest of it, particularly during his trial? We don’t really see him do anything particularly brave or heroic, so I’m not sure why he’s seen as the protagonist here.
Perhaps the point of the book are that the good and the bad aren’t always what they seem. Like I wrote above though, I just don’t see a novel constructed in that way as something Dickens would try to do. He’s so thematically straightforward in all of his other books that that interpretation doesn’t fit him.
Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
I think Heart of Darkness was probably the most difficult book assigned to me. I read it during the summer between my sophomore and junior years, and reading it during the summer heat, while somehow appropriate given the content, made sitting down to read the dense writing just unbearable. We had an array of 10 or 12 books from a list and had to turn in an essay about four of them at the end of the summer, and if you’ve read a few posts in this blog you know I couldn’t help myself, read 12 books, wrote 12 essays, worried over the best four to turn in, and then barely remembered them by the time school started. So I read Heart of Darkness during the summer and a few months later again during school, and in class, we just kept talking about dark and light imagery. There were nights when our assignment was to go through sections of the book and underline all the imagery we could find, and I can still see the faded pencil marks in my book. Most of my classmates hated or didn’t read the book, which made our class discussions, which were already miserable because of all the imagery, just unbearable. Homework and class time didn’t help my understanding of the book; I knew that light meant good and dark meant bad unless they didn’t, and the book was about a journey to the center of the colonial Congo to find a rogue employee who was either sick or a genius or both.
Time passed; I saw Apocalypse Now and way too many episodes of Anthony Bourdain, and then I married a man who counts Heart of Darkness as one of his favorite books. So, I returned to it.
What I understand now that I didn’t necessarily understand then is the book’s psychological intensity. Aside from the physical journey into Africa is the uncertainty about the effects of the trip on the minds of those who take the journey. In solitude and danger, they either cling to their “civilized” ways or become something new entirely, which we see in Kurtz.